Toast Talk

July 30, 2012

Several weeks ago, a few coworkers and I were discussing the phenomenon that is “the blog world” – one person casually mentioned, “Blogging isn’t blogging anymore.”  I didn’t even skip a beat before saying, “No, it’s really not.”  Don’t get me wrong, I have an immense amount of respect for all bloggers and obviously know first hand all the time, energy, creativity, and thought it takes to have a blog – but in their earliest inception blogs were literally “web logs”: online platforms for individuals to share insight on a certain subject, keep a diary, etc.  Think Julie & Julia.…

Several weeks ago, a few coworkers and I were discussing the phenomenon that is “the blog world” – one person casually mentioned, “Blogging isn’t blogging anymore.”  I didn’t even skip a beat before saying, “No, it’s really not.”  Don’t get me wrong, I have an immense amount of respect for all bloggers and obviously know first hand all the time, energy, creativity, and thought it takes to have a blog – but in their earliest inception blogs were literally “web logs”: online platforms for individuals to share insight on a certain subject, keep a diary, etc.  Think Julie & Julia.  Where we are now is… Different.  Sally and I can do our best to inject our personalities into each post we write but let’s be honest, a lot of what we talk about revolves around the material world.  Sure we pepper in aspects of our lives, but my biggest fear is that some of you might think we aren’t much more than girls who churn out posts or that we live in some fantasy factory where all we do is shop online or think about material stuff (so not true).  

I want to try something here – starting off each week with Toast Talk.  Some realness that isn’t about shoes, or whathaveyou.  Just a little something that will hopefully allow you all to get to know me and Sally better (and fingers crossed, helps us know YOU all better through your comments).  Are you still reading? I hope so – even though I kind of feel like I’m writing in a diary right now, I already feel like I’m being more genuine here than ever before.

So in the spirit of keeping things real, let’s talk about friendships.  We all have girlfriends, right?  We call them to catch-up, spend time with them, grow-up with them, and let’s face it, we often vent to them and come to them to talk about our problems.  Lately I’ve noticed that I go to different friends when I need different things: tough love, a sympathetic ear, advice, etc.  Take me and Sally for example… She knows that when she comes to me she gets the tough lovin’ guidance, and I know when I go to her I get a good listener that stays unbiased and doesn’t really give advice.  So ya, when I want to talk to someone about my career path I’m not going to just hit up Sally.  But when I need to vent, she’s a champ.  

The issue I’m having now is how I give different parts of myself to different friends.  To some I’m the sympathetic cheerleader and others I’m the bulldog.  It makes me wonder if I’m doing both of them a disservice, if I should be giving equal parts to both to keep things balanced and obviously, real.  I was recently talking with Victoria and she brought up how she appreciates her friends that are honest with her more than the ones that just agree with her or allow her to wallow or whine.  I had to agree – I get more out of the friendships that help me grow emotionally.  Would you rather have someone saying, “Go after that dream job, you only live once and the worst they can say is no,” or one that offers, “Well, is your current job really that bad?”  Might not be the best example but I think you know where I’m going…

I think as women we have to build each other up.  My goal is to do just that but in the most balanced way possible.  Being a good listener and knowing why that person came to you in the first place is the first step for me.  The second step is being brave enough to be honest with my friends when I think they need it and not suppressing that honesty because I worry they might take it the wrong way.  Third and most important (and what I’m currently not that great at) is delivery…  Saying everything with genuine love and care behind it.  Sometimes I’m too opinionated and passionate for my own good and my delivery, well, it sucks.  

My girlfriends are some of the most important people in my life.  And I’m a believer that we get what we give.  I’ll be making a big push to give the best of all worlds when it comes to my friendships and to do it with realness and love.  So did you make it this far?  I’d love to know what you all think – about this and the Toast Talk idea in general!  And if you’re thinking “I just come her for the pretty pictures,” I hope you’ll stick around… Mondays are about to get interesting.

(Image via Freunde von Freunden)

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  1. This is a great idea Molly! I love that you and your sister are real girls. Many of the blogs I read make me feel inadequate or ordinary. I could never ever purchase the products they feature and it's frustrating. Their graphics and site designs are gorgeous and professional making me feel like my blog is lack-luster at best. It's a tough world! At the end of the day, I'm glad to have girl friends I can talk to and who give me honest feedback. I always try to be as honest and helpful as I can with my friends. Looking forward to Toast Talk!

  2. Hey Girls! I love this concept! I think this is going to be a smash! Personally, I have three close friends, and I have always thought of them as a tri-pod… They all provide different perspective in my life and I love that! Reason being: I always know what I'm going to get. If I call my best friend Nicole, (like you Molls!) I know she's going to shoot me straight, My friend Bethany is a big dream encourager so when I need a positivity injection, she's my girl, and Kathy let's me wallow and vent until I'm ready to pull myself out of it and move on- which usually doesn't take long after I get to vent about it. It might not work for everyone but I feel like it works for me! The important thing, I have found is to find those friends who are consistent- who don't just put on an act for you… Luckily, I can say I have those. Cheers to girlfriends!

  3. I love this idea and post! I found the same to be true for me; most of my relationships I go to for different things. As I have gotten older, the ones that have flourished and grown are the friendships that are multi-faceted. I have a handful of people in my life with whom my relationships encompass all aspects – they are people who know me better than I know myself in some instances and are such solid pillars in my life. And that I am so truly thankful for!

  4. Loving this post. I totally agree with you. I have been giving friendships a lot of thought for the past year and have come to the conclusion that the types of friendships I want and need are "real" ones. Where I know I'm getting the true person!

    xx
    Giovanna
    http://www.oliveandanarrow.com

  5. Love it, ladies. I agree that this does come with age. My 30s have been all about this for me… recognizing and differntiating between true friends, being a supportive but honest friend, being a friend to myself, seeing good in many things without judgement and even reconnecting with childhood friends I never dreamed of having anything in common with again. It's all a fabulous ride, even with the twists and turns. Happy searching :)

    xo

  6. I just discovered your blog and what timing!I rarely comment on blogs, being new to the blogging world. But this post inspired me as it reinforced two important topics,the focus on integrating our own voice and personalities in what we share with others as well as friendship and communication. Especially in this digital age,it's still nice to hear someone's voice versus just receiving written communication.

    As far as friendship, with life, marriage and children sometimes we don't get to see our girlfriends as much. But the real friends, beyond time and space, will remain true and honest. And sometimes it's not the quantity (how long we've known them) but the quality of friendship that matters. Some of the friends I've known for a shorter time are actually real and very supportive.
    Thank you for such a wondeful post!

  7. What a refreshing read – I am so looking forward to reading more Toast Talk and I think you have touched on a topic that all women can relate to. You speak so wisely yet you ladies have such wonderful taste and style. Your insights into the changing world of "blogging" only makes you stronger, too. Keep it coming!

  8. First of all, I love your blog, and even more so now that I see you love to write out and have topics of discussion like I do. It's great to not always have photos and go back to the roots of what blogs originally were – online journals of sorts.

    I have so many different groups of friends as well, so many that I questioned whether or not I could invite everyone to my most recent birthday dinner without them clashing or someone in another group of my friends making someone in another group feel uncomfortable. It all worked out in the end and everyone got along wonderfully, but it still made me think that there must be so many varying sides of me for me to have so many different types of friends in so many different groups and interests.

    These days I just try to make sure I'm keeping the people around that I can benefit, where I'm building them up constantly and they are doing the same. I make sure I don't keep messy people as close to me anymore because I don't need their negativity and we're not doing each other any service by hanging out.

  9. Ahhhh I've been waiting for something like this! I'm getting back into blogging and I've been finding it hard to have a "lifestyle" blog when I mostly like to take pictures of MY laid-back, real lifestyle and more of my personal opinion than just a new trend or bag! While I do like that stuff, blogging about clothes and such always comes across as just materialistic and the highlight of my day when really, being with friends and working takes up much more of my thought and time! When I used to blog more about my everyday other than shoes I like on shopbop, I made such genuine blog friends because they read my real thoughts and understood my personality better. So I love this xx even though I'm about to blog about a Theory leather jacket that I love

  10. didn't think it was possible to love this blog more than I already do! thank you for being so willing to open up to your audience in this way…I know it probably won't always be easy. I've been want more "realness" in the blog world lately and y'all have really hit the nail on the head with this post. SO looking forward to your fresh voice every Monday

  11. I just discovered your blog and I absolutely LOVE it. My girlfriends and I call this kind of talk "tough love" . We know that we can always go to each other without any judgments and we respect and appreciate the real honest tough love. Toast talk is a fabulous idea!
    xo

  12. I love this idea! Although, out of all of the blogs I read each day, the two of you definitely do the best job of adding your own voice and thoughts into each post. But, I think this is awesome to share some more serious topics and thoughts about life outside of all of the "stuff". Looking forward to reading it!

  13. love this post and I will love this new section for sure (although sometimes is hard to follow, because my English is not good enough…)
    kisses from Barcelona!

  14. "Toast Talk" sounds like a great new feature. I already think you girls are fabulous, and I can't wait to get to "know" you better!
    After college, my girlfriends and I spread all over the country… it is sometimes hard to not rainbow coat things when we only talk once a week or even once a month… but it is definitely something I am working on!
    xx
    Here&Now

  15. Cheers to you girls for keeping it real! I was so happy to see Victoria's post last week on this topic, and I'm so glad you are keeping it alive. Adore your blog and look forward to the more personal side of things in the coming weeks! xx

  16. Thank you for this! I actually used to do a journal day on my blog and fully intend on bringing it back as well. I want to do this, not just because the material aspect, but also to better connect to my readers. I applaud you on this decision.

  17. I agree with the second post so wholeheartedly. Sarah makes such a good point and I can feel myself doing exactly what she described – moving past some friends and hanging onto those who are "there" even when their not – who always pick up the phone when you call, even if it's just to say "OMG I can't talk right now" – and who know who you are makeup less and straight out of bed. I think back about how much time I spent adjusting to friends who I couldn't even call my friend anymore. Moving forward I want to focus less on needing approval from others and more on giving it to myself. I think when we are truly comfortable in our own skin, and quit needing everyone to like us, you can look up and see the few awesome people who have always loved you. Even while you were figuring all this out.

    PS – great post. I need to interject a little more "me" too!

  18. So looking forward to Toast Talk! I can completely relate to this feeling about girlfriends. I rely on my core four for issues all over the board, and definitely go to specific ones when I can anticipate their answer {probably not always the way to go}. I tend to be too honest without appearing completely sincere about the situation {terrible quality}. Obviously every piece of advice I give is out of love but I need to be better about speaking the truth in a kind voice rather than sounding judgmental or trying to fix their problems. It's a constant balance!

  19. this is really refreshing- good for you, molly. in my experience reading blogs, the more i can know about the person (or people) writing the posts, the more i seem to enjoy my time on her blog. your usual posts are interesting and eye catching, but i think you've got the right idea injecting some realness into what can otherwise be a whirlwind of collages, inspiration boards, and material wish lists. while those things are part of what makes exploring blogs fun, the connection that bloggers and reader can make- in my opinion- really rests in knowing each other. as for the topic at hand this week: i can agree that delivery is crucial when speaking to a girl friend, and it's something i try really hard to keep warm and supportive, even when i am giving some 'tough love'. looking forward to next week's discussion! x Janel

  20. i love getting to know the real people behind the blogs i read, so this was a great post. and i absolutely agree. i have 2 best friends and they're different in a few key ways. one is the "tell it like it is", "the truth hurts sometimes" type, and the other is the listener, the one that doesn't really take a position but it there to support. they are both key people for me, but often times, when i'm facing a big dilemma, i need that straight talk. sometimes i really already know the answer, but am just looking for a "way out"–i'm happy to have a bff that WON'T give it to me and makes me…face my shit. because of this, i'm often the same way with others. true, i could improve the delivery, but i give it the way i want it back. if i trust you, i appreciate the truth even if it doesn't always feel good, because i know it comes from a place of love!

  21. The best blogs that I follow are the ones where the bloggers share about their lives, so that you really get to see what type of people they are. I feel more connected, and I end up speaking about them like they are my friends. And you ladies are no exception!

    Thank you for keeping with things that are current, and realizing when things need a little change. Growing and sharing with you both has been such a pleasure!

    Even if some days are just pretty pictures!

    xo N & M

    http://blog.nestdesignstudio.ca/#

  22. I love this new idea! I really do wish that more bloggers would share a little bit about their lives and who they are so I think this is great.

  23. I love this new addition to mondays! so fabulous, as I struggle with not wanting to sound all materialistic as well. I feel like I am thinking more about girl friends than I ever have now that I have a hubby who is my best friend! Girlfriends have always been a given and so natural, now it is something I have to remember I need and pursue. So different for me! It doesnt help that over the last few years all of my girl friends have scattered across the country, from LA to atlanta!

  24. First, I love the name you are giving this, so cute. Second, I think the more personality the better! I hate when I feel like I could never be friends with the bloggers I read, because they feel so distant and not relatable! I try to keep things real on my blog; it's a great link for my friends and family back home that I don't talk to everyday! Third, as I've been growing up I've noticed just how much I rely on my sister and mom for everything friend-related. I have girlfriends I can talk with once a week, but my family is here for me 100% of the way. And I love that. =)

  25. I could never not be interested in what you have to say. So bring on Toast Talk, it would be wonderful to hear all your opinions etc. Great blog. Keep it up !

    Your fan all the way from South Africa*

  26. so glad y'all are doing this! it's funny, i've just been thinking recently that when i write a post if i make it too personal or about something other than something material (or a recipe, whatever) that people will be disinterested, but isn't that the point of a blog (or what it used to be)? either way, i think this is awesome, and i agree on all accounts – i find myself doing the same thing. can't wait until next monday!

  27. Molly & Sally-

    I am very much looking forward to your weekly "Toast Talk"! Your blog is my daily go-to read and I would love to learn more about the girls behind the amazing blog!

  28. I'm excited for this new installment. Over the last few weeks I have really analyzed my friendships and started spending more time with women who empower, challenge, and support me. I've also made a concentrated effort to be that supporting person for my friends. Life's too short to surround yourself with people who bring you down.
    finer feelings

  29. I think you will find as you get older (and I don't mean to sound like a mom here!) that you will soon only surround yourself with friends who can provide you with everything you need. In my 20's, I had a very large circle of friends and would describe them exactly as you did in your post. Once life became more rounded (marriage, children, etc.), you want people who will be with you for everything – good and bad. Great post.

  30. I agree 100% . I typed a really long answer as a comment here….but I think it was too long….I will email instead. but my short anwer is yes!!

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