Toast Talk

September 14, 2015

I hadn't realized it had been a while since I posted a Toast Talk till one of you left a comment requesting one (thanks, Christina). It's always a balance to know how much of my personal life to share but I've been thinking about writing about a topic for a while and figured now was as good of a time as any. Dating and being single. I know I'm not the only twenty-something woman navigating these waters and I'd like to be honest in letting everyone know what I think about this current life stage: it sucks. You can be as content with your professional life (which I am), have amazing friends (which I do), and be busy with your own life and exciting things (yup) and still feel like there is something missing. There are a lot of perks to not being in a committed relationship but after spending a few years dating - and I mean really dating and putting yourself out there - it becomes frustrating to keep grinding away at the process. I turn 28 next month. I know, I know...I'm so young, right?! Right. Okay, got it. But I'm at an age where I'd like to be in a committed relationship with someone who really likes me. And I don't think it's unreasonable to feel those feelings.

 

Don’t worry, I’m not desperate enough to try and go on the next season of The Bachelor (although this is something my family likes to joke with me about – hilarious!). But I was desperate enough to sign up for Tinder at the beginning of June. For me, downloading this app and making an account was almost worse than putting myself on TV. Mostly because it was the vehicle my ex-boyfriend used to cheat on me two years ago. But I had been in Houston for almost a month and was feeling all, “Okay, I’m in this new city with no gentlemen callers and I’d like to have a little attention.” If you’ve never experienced Tinder, I’d like to paint you a little picture…

To make a Tinder account you have to do so via Facebook (because the app will let you know if you have friends in common). So that’s all fine and good except for the fact that the only photos of yourself you can post have to be ones that are on Facebook already. That posed a problem for me since I only have five profile photos: my current one where you can’t see my face and four from college (one of which has me cuddling my little brother). These are not the “come hither” types of photos I imagined needing. So then I had to do something totally embarrassing andgo through a ton of photos of myself, chose ones where I thought I looked best, and upload said photos to my Facebook account. This wouldn’t have been so bad had I made the upload invisible to all of my friends…oops. How obvious is it that someone is making a Tinder profile than when you see them add five photos of themselves where they look fantastic? I just, I just can’t.

Ok! So I had my photos all ready to go and after crafting what I felt was a short, sweet, and witty little bio I was ready to start “swiping” as they say. I guess I should mention that I took this leap around 8:00am CST. This is only important to know because after an hour or so of making swipes I had more matches than I could count on my fingers and toes. What. A. Confidence. Boost. “I’m not going to die alone!” I thought. The first 12 hours of using the app feels like some sort of high. The butterflies you get when you first chat with someone cute in person – that’s what I would compare it to. But after 24 hours I was starting to feel drained. Sure I was having some conversations through the app (it’s like texting but these strangers don’t have your number or last name) but none of the chats were great and most all of them were very dumb. The time consuming back and forth quickly became exhausting and by day two I was feeling dread anytime I saw a message come through.

But I pushed on. I went on a drinks date. The guy was very nice but we had better conversation through the Tinder app than we did in person. That’s kind of like meeting someone who looks better in photographs than they do in person, right? My second drinks date was fine but not great. I didn’t plan on following-up with either guy. By the end of my fourth day with the app I had two more dates set up for the following week…after going through the weekend I canceled on both and haven’t opened Tinder since.

The good news is that even though my experience with the app ended, I was able to meet a guy in life the “normal way” (through friends) who I really liked. I mean, I still really like this guy. There was just one teeny tiny problem: his job is incredibly demanding and I never really got to see him. When a relationship never gets the opportunity to take off things can’t progress. I’m a pretty low-key person when it comes to dating – I do my own thing but I like feeling like the person I am interested in is also into me and wants to see me – but I start to lose my mind when things turn hot and cold. Rather than make this very busy and somewhat clueless man feel like he’s been murdering my emotions for weeks upon weeks, I let him know that I thought we were on different pages at the moment and that the timing didn’t feel right. Sigh. I’m not a girl who likes to hold out hope out guys (I literally cut ties and move on) but like I said, I like this guy, so I didn’t want to completely burn the bridge. You never know right?

So where am I now…I’m not on the Tinder. And I think know my friends have run out of the short list of guys they could set me up with. And really, while being set up by friends can be awesome, it can also be hard when you meet one of your friend’s friend(s) and you don’t feel a spark with them. This happens to me more than I care to admit and I always leave the date wanting to punch myself in the face and mail the guy money for the drinks he bought me. These non-spark guys are always really nice and really great on paper – the kind of man I want to end up with – but I know within 15 minutes (sometimes less) if I’m into someone or not and I just don’t see the point in making more dates happen if I don’t feel it. My friends joke that this gut feeling of mine is sabotaging my dating life…but I reason that I’m just being fair to myself and to the guys.

I’m super single. That’s were I am at the moment. I’ve read books – including Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari (in hopes of understanding how to navigate dating in 2015 with all the apps and texting) and Why Men Love Bitches (in hopes of knowing how to make a man fall in love with me) but neither have helped my soul mate materialize any faster. If anything, Aziz just made me realized how screwed I am because dating in this technology heavy day in age reallllly sucks and it doesn’t seem like it will be getting any easier to find a mate when everyone now thinks the next best thing is just one swipe or app download away. No, I don’t want to download Bumble, Hinge, or The League. I don’t want to be on match.com or send out a pathetic PSA to everyone I know that I’d like to be set up with someone awesome. I know that plenty of people create fabulous relationships from these forms of dating (the apps and sites – not the PSAs) and that makes me really happy for them, but I just don’t think they are for me. What I want is for things to be as easy – like they were in college, when meeting someone was as easy as making the rounds at bars and you and your friends were all in the same boat.

Alas, I know that I need to be patient. I’d like to think that meeting my person isn’t an “if” but a “when,” and that timing is everything. If any of you single ladies (read that in a Beyoncé singing voice) have any words of wisdom that will help me get through this less than ideal time I am all ears. If you don’t, I’d just be grateful for some good vibes that I’ll find someone to be sent my way. But, I’m also happy to focus on the great things I’ve got going on and relish the good parts of being single. I’d also like to go on record and say that I would kill it if I were on The Bachelor. But don’t worry, Mom and Dad – I won’t do it!

 

  1. i also frequently return to this post to remind myself i am not alone in feeling this way. oh dating apps…

    i so appreciate your honesty in regards to your personal experience in navigating the realm of dating. i’ve been there too!

    cheers to finding love in 2016! 🙂

    XX

    CP

  2. Just wanted to say thanks again for posting This. I have come back to reread many times, it is so nice to hear this from someone who Just gets it. Would love to see other posts on this topic. Best of luck out there in the dating world! xo

  3. ALl i want to say is thank you, and you are not alone. I am 32 and have felt/feel every.single.thing you share here.Your post made me feel less alone and more confident in my own gut instincts when it comes to my dating beliefs. i do believe you will find your right one, maybe just not right now.

  4. I was in your exact shoes at your age. I was ready for a committed relationship and put myself out there on match only to go through several really tortuous first dates. I got to the point where I truly believed I was just destined to be a single lady for forever. And it sucked. Bad. All my friends would give me the same speech about how it will happen for me-meanwhile they were sporting gorgeous diamonds on their left hands and were living their fairy tale. ANd i just got so sick of it. All of it. Dating, wondering if i would find someone, the loneliness, etc. And then i just made up my mind to stop worrying about it. So i set out for months where I just was incredibly selfish and only focused on me and what i wanted. and then I got to where I didnt even think about dating at all. You know where this story is going. As soon as I did, this guy messaged me on match (when i thought i had closed the account-apparently not) and he would not take no for an answer. He pursued me for about 3 months and i finally broke down and went to dinner with him. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure about him right off-but he worked hard for me and i eventually fell hard for him. And i’m happy to say that in five months, i’m marrying that guy. the takeaway is this-do you! Stop worrying about finding someone. i know that is easier said than done, but it is so worth it. Because the dating world is tough and nobody can treat you better than yourself 🙂

  5. I know how exhausting dating can be and spent most of my 20’s and early 30’s “dating” in NYC. I was very similar to you in that if I wasn’t feeling someone initially on the first date, I immediately shut it down. My friends often said I was “too picky” but I considered it having standards. right before my 31st birthday i went out with a guy who was perfectly nice but i didn’t consider him my type because he was a lawyer, worked a million hours and didn’t fit the profile of what I thought I was looking for. After a perfectly fine first date I just assumed I would cease contact and for whatever reason he contacted me several times after so i agreed to see him again. 4 years later that guy i had little to no interest in is my best friend and husband. at the time i pegged him as too corporate and fratty but after getting to know him i learned those were only things I made up before really getting to know him. everybody is different and looking for different things but it was the second that i for went my laundry list of “must haves” that I discovered my must have guy by taking the time to get to know him! Good luck out there! xo

  6. I’m in your same boat sister. i am constantly praying that god will send me the right person. i am like you, i can be impatient but i know waiting on his timing is the best.

    saying a special prayer for us single ladies!

  7. ciaooo
    i sooo know what you are talking about…it helps to know that ” you are not the only one” and sometimes i just really only want to talk to friends that ” fully” UNDERSTAND me ( read between the lines are in the same situation)
    i am just finishing MODERN romance and while it did make me laugh it DIDN’T really make any difference..
    i got back in touch with a great friend that i HAVEN’T seen for 6 years ..last time i have seen her was her wedding ..in the meantime she HAD two kids…and she told me” JUST give yourself a month not thinking about it ” so i decided i will have “happy september….
    had some happy moments had some sad moments…
    in the meantime i also came across book ” get the guy” which basicly tells you that you have to be out and talk to everyone…that’s kind of cool and nice and you kind of feel em powered to try and then you hear that one of your friends that has been in the same situation just ” meet the guy” like movie sort of way…..on holiday with family thinking she is the odd one…..a beautiful dog comes her way…..she loves dogs( who DOESN’T really) and with the dog comes a guy as well….
    and yes im really happy she is my friend but that now COMPLETELY destroyed my “WILLINGNESS” to get out and be seen and talk to people and ahhhhhhh sounds like a second job…
    to make things worse everyone knows that guys also like us to have good job…to have our own good life…..to be sort of settled ….be in some way ACCOMPLISHED .. she DOESN’T have even one SINGLE thing ….
    so i dont know anymore im confused big time…
    im trying to CONTINUE #happy september even thought i did cry my eyes OUT yesterday as it was the day of my ex bday….
    but maybe all single ladies should have #happyoctober now and then magicly while we are having our happy MONTHS mister right will show up…..walking the dog…or whatever….
    i suggest #HAPPYOCTOBER and lest hope all SINGLE beautiful ladies meet someone while having this happy october BECAUSE lest face it ” who wants to be single for xmas” …

  8. I’ve been in the same single dilemma as you, but I’m 40. So, It’s been 20 years, aside from a 2 year relationship. the only positive i can give you is that i really know myself and i enjoy my own company. it does not get easier. i refuse to pump you with any bs. however, i do think that if you stick to your guns and manage to find the right someone for you- he will be amazing!

  9. Thank you so much for posting this… i am in the same boat and sometimes feel as if i am the only single person left on this earth.

  10. Thank you so so much for writing this! I totally feel you. I’m at a point where I want to be dating, just for that confidence boost. It doesn’t have to be a relationship (though i wouldn’t count it out) but I’d like to know that there’s someone out there i could have fun with have a spark with :)(and not have it be from an app…)

    http://undergradgoods.blogspot.ca/

  11. I was in your boat exactly earlier this year – I turned 30 last year and didn’t focus at all on dating until January came around (I was busy settling into a new city, finding an apartment, and working on getting promoted), and after settling all that down last year, I decided this year was the year I was going to meet my husband.

    It’s totally corny and romantic, but if you believe in soulmates (like I do), you should read Kathyrn Alice’s book Love Will Find You. I was also burned out by dating apps (hated Tinder!!) and two weeks after starting the process in that book I met my current boyfriend and the love of my life. 🙂 I hope you at least check it out – it’s definitely corny and embarrassing to admit I read that book, but it totally worked. haha Here’s the amazon link if you want: http://amzn.to/1JeYPQf

    Good luck!! It’s tough being single in this day and age…but you’ll meet someone 🙂

  12. 34, single and in your boat. I have no apps or profiles right now and am completely happy with my life. WE single ladies have to hold out hope that while we continue living our awesome lives, the right man will come along.

  13. Sweetie!!! I’m so sorry you are going through this feeling… I was single too at your age, and well into my 30’s. And I have to admit, my 30’s ROCKEDDDDDD!!!! They were in fact the best years of my life:) Having turned 40 and happlily married now, I just say go with the flow. I was always into, “I don’t need a man, I just want to stay single because I loved being single!” butttt in the end I ended up meeting this great guy, who loved absolutely everything about me, (and I’m hard to understand) lol but he changed my life on love! I promise you it will come, and 6 years later you will feel like, damn I hit the jack pot:)
    Happy dating sweetie! Just have fun! Go on trips, go on alllll kinds of dates, have dinner dates with your girlfriends, and just live life! One day someones going to walk into your life and sweep you off your feet:)

    BTW, shame on your ex for cheating…. I hate cheaters!!!!
    xoxox Mel

  14. I´M SO with you…my verry best friend goes exactly through the same scarry kind of things – dating, finding wrong guys at multimedia…it seems to be a global problem (because we are living in germany, far far away), but the Fails are the same f**ing thing…
    my friend is a wonderful,powerful,Beautiful and awesome person – just like you and its so weird that there still is no matching…
    EVerytime I come over to see your blog and look at your fantastic fotos i´m all like – wow, wanna be you…her life is so gorgeous!
    just want you to know…love your blog and your excellent taste and of course the toast talk is my favourite 🙂
    Xo

  15. My words of wisdom for dating are this; let go of any rules you have set and any perfct picture you have in your mind and follow your heart. i fell in love with a man going through a divorce with two kids and he lived in another state. I was never leaving texas and wanted kids of my own. it has been hectic to say the least but we have the happiest home and i wouldnt change a thing. we are true partners but i never would have let it happened if i had followed my norman rockwell vision or my rules.

  16. Dating is definitely hard at this stage. Also almost 28 and single, happy with my career and enjoying doing things on my own. I have good friends who found great “normal” guys via tinder but just don’t feel like it is true to myself. i like to think things will happen naturally but I am always trying to keep an open mind. And i don’t think you are killing your dating life by going with your gut, if there isn’t a spark, there isn’t a spark! just know you have company in this stage in life and it was great hearing your version.

  17. You Will meet Mr. Right. No question. I met my husband in a bar and didn’t immediately think he was the one for me…In fact, I didn’t remember who he was when he called, haha. But, I agreed to a date and the rest was history.

    A friend of Mine had a great philosophy on dating. She would Literally go to dinner/drinks with anyone who asked. I do mean anyone. The troll under the bridge? She’d be sipping a cosmo and praying the date would be over soon, but she’d go. She just had a very open minded dinner-date policy. I will say, it served her well. She went on a date with a guy she originally considered not to be her type, whom she had met a year earlier and written off. They are now happily married with a 6 month old. Helps to keep An open Mind!

    1. I’m on the same page with mackenzie here. just keep a very, very open mind, go on a ton of dates even with guys that aren’t “the one” on paper/looks wise, or even seem that interesting. go online, it’s worth it. that’s the way i met my fiancee 2,5years ago and we’re getting married next year (i’m now 31 so met him about when i was the same age as you). I joined a dating site, messaged a whole bunch of guys, went on lots and lots of dates (some really boring, some good, some mutual feelings, some not). going out there puts out the “energy/vibe” that you are ready for “the guy” and trust me, with an open mind amazing things happen 🙂

      I’m definitely not saying it’s easy, but it’s worth it in what you get in return. in today’s world everything is a bit more complicated and i think that at our age, most of us tend to have their own little settled groups of friends and no one really ventures much outside of them – hence the chances to meet new guys are minuscule after going through the eligible friends of friends. There is no way my fiancee and i would have met in real life otherwise, we didn’t frequent the same bars, groups of friends, etc.

      i wish you a bunch of good luck and a ton of happiness with your “the guy” in the future <3 he is out there!

  18. Ok I’m going to share this little golden nuget: Percentage wise- most people have already MET the person they are going to marry by age 25! So look around and maybe you will rediscover someone who’s right under your nose! That’s what hapenned to me. Suddenly saw one of my best guy friends in a whole new light!
    xx

  19. Favorite Toast Talk so far, probably since i’m going through the same stuff at 29 (tinder included eek). I know it will Happen just trying to keep my thoughts positive. meanwhile let’s enjoy being single and make the most of it with our carrers and travels.
    🙂

  20. i can definitely relate! i was in the same boat as you for years, feeling like i would never find anyone, and i always wanted to meet someone organically instead of using dating sites or apps. all i can say is hang in there! i can attest – it does gets better! focus on the other wonderful things going on for you, and you will eventually meet the right man that fits perfectly into your life! promise 🙂

  21. I swear it was as if i wrote this myself. I couldn’t agree with you more about everything that you wrote. i feel the exact same way with all of the apps and what not. i think it has to do with the fact that i really don’t even like to text, give me the option of calling or texting and i’ll choose calling all day everyday. thanks for this post, i needed it! sending good vibes your way girlfriend!

    also, it’s the running joke with my friends that they’re going to nominate me to be on the bachelor. and i think i would kill it as well 🙂

  22. But Ben H is so cute!!!!!! 🙂

    I completely understand where you are at. WHen i was 28, i was dumped by my boyfriend of 4 years and felt like i had to start over… but now, 2 years later, i am happier than ever. Focus on yourself, hang with your girlfriends, and it will just organically happen.

  23. Thank you for this post! Reading your experience and all of the comments is a healthy reminder that none of us are alone with our dating frustrations. it’s crazy how many beautiful, successful, smart and well-put-together women out there have so much trouble finding a partner. i’m 35, i’ve made the rounds with the online dating apps, which are terrible, and i definitely can relate to your comment about knowing within 15 minutes if i’m into someone, and then having my friends criticize me for not giving people a chance. anyway, i do believe that your time and my time will come to meet the right person, we just have to be patient and know that there are important things for us to accomplish in the mean time.

  24. I totally feel you Molly! Thank you for sharing this, I’m in exactly the same boat I feel. I have lots of friends who are all about the apps right now…not my style I’ve realized after giving it a go for a few weeks this summer I held out on trying them for a long time. I recently have met someone “the real way” also…crossing my fingers that this could work! But I, like you am afraid that we may just be in different places right now. Dating is so Frustrating!! (and my family is also all about the bachelor jokes as well!)

  25. hello new favorite toast talk yet. i’m only 24 but i too just can’t do the online dating world… it’s not me and i appreciate your honesty regarding the situation. wishing you all of the luck in the dating world. it sure can be a b*tch.

  26. Thanks for such a refreshingly candid post! YOU’VE TOTALLY GOT IT GOING ON, AND IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT IF YOU’RE MORE FABULOUS THAN THE MEN YOU’VE MET RECENTLY.

    I know how you feel though. I just finished attending four weddings this summer, and i’m totally in your boat. I didn’t bring a date to one of them, and people keep saying “your time will come,” as if that’s supposed to make me feel better now. I just turned 29, and have been focusing on myself. i reason that the better i feel about myself, my life and my career, the better it will be when i do have that relationship I want.

    Recently something popped up on my insta that said “be open to it being better than you could imagine.” i’ve been thinking that a lot lately, particularly when i’m feeling blue about my single status. That and the fact that i can do whatever i want, whenever i want without taking a significant other into account–that has its pros and cons, right? It won’t always be this way, so i try to enjoy that now. Again, you rock and tinder is just weird.

    1. I’m Married and have used the line before ‘be patient’ or ‘your time will come.’ Know that lots of married people would probably love to be in your shoes. The first year of dating my husband was absolutely magical, and I wish i could relive it again. so that magical time is ahead of you. That’s a beautiful thing!

  27. I turned 30 last week and I totally get you, way more than you think. The only thing is I find that trying to meet people just doesn’t work, so I focus on making a better me. I downloaded tinder and it is the WOrst!!! SO i know it’s hard to be patient so just focus on yourself and keep busy. That’s not the best advice but that’s what I do :/

  28. amen! I’m 26 and feel like such a minority in my group of friends in that i am so anti online/app dating! I have several friends that have met great guys through match but i am so not ready for that. What ever happened to meeting someone the old fashioned way and having a great in person conversation instead of swiping left or Right?! You are so Not alone! Thank you for this post, it helps to know im nOt the only one in this crazy boat! Good vibes coming your way 🙂

  29. I totally hear you on this, girl and Im right there with you! I just try to think that everything happens for a reason and we’ll meet that perfect person at the perfect time!

  30. Thank you for your Honesty – and I believe you will find the right person for you not because you are beautiful outwardly, but because you are also amazing and smart and kind. he won’t believe his luck when he meets you. Just be ready – it’s coming. (and I am a mom, 55 years old and I met and married my husband at 28, so i didn’t want to sound weird when i said it’s coming!)

  31. I think everyone has been where you are at some point! Your honesty is refreshing, but take heart that you’re not alone in thinking dating is exhausting! I remember feeling that way before I met my guy at 31.Have you thought of joining a social sports league? I played kickball in my late 20s and met a ton of new friends and dates that way. The more people you meet, the larger your network becomes and the closer you get to meeting your person! Good luck and keep us updated!

  32. OMG-I totally feel the same way. Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I had the same situation on hinge!

  33. I have been there! I was a bridesmaid 13 times before I met my husband at 33! my friends thought i would be one of the first to get married (had nice boyfriends, loved kids, awesome parents, etc.). I was tired of dating but I knew that finding the right guy would be worth the wait. I met my husband at a work meeting (he lived in TX and I lived in Chicago) and we hit it off right away. We were engaged after 6 months. 12 years later (and 2 girls)- -we have a happy life. I am so glad we both had so many years to do our own thing and now we love our simple family life together. You seem like a very sweet and smart (and, obviously, Gorgeous) person. Your guy will find you and it will be worth the wait!!

  34. I know exactly how you feel. The other thing I struggle with is the amount of time it takes to try and put yourself out there. I think back and feel like it was a waste of my time. there are so many other things I could be doing and actually enjoying! at the same time, i feel like i’m the only one of my friends that is still single. social events can be exhausting because you are the only one that isn’t paired up. I get tired of showing up alone. i dream of my college days and think about how incredible it would be to go back to them. I just have to keeping hoping that mr. right will show up at some point.

  35. Amen to the honesty. I would not start dating again for all of the tea in china. I have two daughters who have been on tinder. as a mom, it kills me as i know they are worthy of more than a passing glance. i hate that it will define dating for your generation. i stay tuned into your blog for the increasingly rare real moments.

  36. For what it’s worth, I went on match when i was 26 and have been in a committed relationship for 3.5 years since i did that. it wasn’t how i pictured meeting, but i am happy i took the plunge. i am knocking on 30 now, and while not engaged i am happy.

  37. I’m so glad you posted this! i started reading your blog when my friend sent me the toast talk about your relationship ending as a “look , you’re not alone” reassurance as I had just gone through a similar ‘boyfriend cheats and leaves behind your heart as wreckage’ situation. i’m in the same boat as you now. i would love to meet someone but all i’ve found at this point in the last two years are guys that i like but won’t ever love. sometimes i just like knowing that i’m not alone in being in my mid-late twenties and single. and you are not alone! sending you many good vibes in high hopes that you are close.

  38. I needed this post. I was on the receiving end of the ‘poor timing’ conversation yesterday and was just about to download tinder for the first time. Patience is all there is. and i’m of the impatient variety. Thanks for writing this.

  39. Go travel! All over the wOrld. I met my husBand on vacation at a beach in GA. Turned out we lived in the same city, only a few blocks away from one another. But seriously, traveL. Soon you will be married with kids and these days Of singleness and the ability to do whatever, whenever will be gone. Embrace it!

  40. As someone “older,” I started to read this thinking–what? Dating used to be so fun. But yeah, then I remembered that around your age (maybe a little older), I was like, “Okay! ready for someone now!” but I couldn’t find that someone for another three years. that said, you are right–you will find him.

    I did meet my husband via match, but I hid my profile and only contacted a few guys. Otherwise, it was like tinder–overwhelming. I wouldn’t have been able to deal with tinder, since it seems so looks-based, and while attraction is important, there are physically attractive guys who are not appealing in other ways. regardless, you’ll find the person, and I think you were smart to cut off something going nowhere.

  41. As someone who just turned 40 this year, trust me, you will find Mr. Right. You have plenty of time. I’m married 14 years and have four kids and while I wouldn’t trade my life for anything, I do wish I had relished my years as a single twenty something more than i did. This is your time to pursue your career, travel, explore and get to know yourself. So, my advice is to be patient and trust that your partner is out there and when the time is right, you’ll cross paths 🙂

    Taffeta & Tulips

    1. Agree! I just posted that I was “older,” too. there’s a lot that’s great about being single and young, although I know it sometimes doesn’t feel that way…

  42. Love your post!
    I’m in the same situation… where are the good guys and why i can find it?? :'(
    i dont like the apps, i’m old fashion gal haha
    good luck!

  43. I agree on the difficulties of post-college dating…such a drag!! i was lucky enough to be set up by friend before tinder really became a thing, and i consider myself really, really lucky for that. but i have to agree with a previous reviewer…giving someone 15 minutes on the first date to prove their compatibility with you is a bit extreme. When i first met my boyfriend, we didn’t seem to have anything in common, and in fact he spent a lot of the time we were together talking about moving out of the city we both lived in. I left that meeting thinking “well, back to it i guess.” but then we started texting and ended up setting up a proper date, sparks flew, and we’re still together, 4 years later. ultimately, everyone is different and we all know when that “just right” feeling is for ourselves, but i’d urge you to give some of those other guys a second chance. a big reason no sparks flew in that initial meeting with my boyfriend is that neither one of us had been set up before, and it was a little awkward at first. you never know…maybe second time around, when you start to get more comfortable around each other, things will work out 🙂 good luck!!

  44. i’m in a committed relationship with a baby so i don’t have any advice on navigating the current world of dating. when i was getting divorced a few years ago, i was worried i’d be alone for the rest of my life. my therapist told me she had some clients/patients where that was a real concern, but she didn’t have any doubts i’d find someone and be happy. and she was right. i hold onto that advice/guidance. if you have a personality that attracts others (male or female), you will find someone. just like jacquelyn said, you’re a catch and will find someone when the time is right. i’ll be sending good vibes that that time is soon!

  45. Honestly I think your friends are right that your 15 minute window is sabotaging your dating life. A lot of people are nervous on their first, even third date, and writing them off within 15 minutes seems a bit harsh. I wasn’t “sparky” about my husband the first few times we went out, but then it bloomed and we fell in love and now we’ve been married for almost three years and together for seven.

    1. 100% agree. Forget about the spark. Most marriages that end in divorce started with a spark. Give the guys who are kinD, funny, smart, and interested in you, a seCond, maybe even a third chance. I didn’t even notice what a fox my husband was until our third date because he had me laughing so hard. I was 28, anD that was 17 yrs ago!

      1. Ditto! my husband wasn’t at all the picture of ‘dream guy’ i had in my head. he was very forward in the beginning which scared me (i was young and he was 4 years older). thank god for my best friend who just kept saying, “just go with it. go on one more date.” and 6 weeks after meeting, i was a goner and had hopelessly fallen for him.

        my philosophy on love is that you probably don’t know who is best for you. meaning that the qualities you think you want may not actually be the ones you need. so like so many above have said, be open minded. don’t set any rules.

        oh, and WEDDINGS!!!! i know so many couples who met at weddings including myself so NEVER TAKE A DATE!

  46. oh my gosh molly – i feel you big time. i just deleted tinder after a guy asked me if i was into being choked. i thought he was joking around so i made a joke back, only to find out that he was serious. i just can’t. cheers to navigating this tricky world together… at least we have each other to laugh, with? heart you.

  47. First of all, I would watch the CRAP out of that season of the bachelor! Next, I feel like there is no advice I could give you that you likely haven’t already heard a million and one times, but here goes. There is no fat chance in hell that you are going to end up alone. You, my friend, are a catch and a freaking half and the right guy is there – you just need to trust it will happen when (like you said) the timing is right. In the meantime, enjoy the heck out of your single life because when that magical timing does appear, chances are it will be IT! Soak up these magical years, and do your best to enjoy them while they’re here, because I know for a fact that they won’t last!

  48. ha, same. And I actually have a friend who was a widow at 32 with 4 kids (2 are twins), all under the age of 5, and she got married again within 2 years. And i’m still single. wtf is wrong with me?? haha

  49. Ah, hallelujah for some honesty on this topic. iT REALLY HAS BEEN THE MOST CHALLENGING THING FOR ME OUT OF COLLEGE. tHE ADVICE/ENCOURAGEMENT USUALLY DOESN’T DO A WHOLE LOT FOR ME BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY, i’M STILL NOT IN THE RELATIONSHIP i’M LOOKING FOR. oNE BOOK THAT i READ – CAPTIVATING BY joHN AND sTASI eLDRIDGE – WAS INCREDIBLY EYE-OPENING ABOUT WHY WE FEEL THIS WAY AND REASSURING THAT IT’S TOTALLY NORMAL TO HAVE THOSE FEELINGS. i HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!! tHANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HONEST – i’M WITH YA!!!

    1. Gosh i rEmember being your age and being single. Most of my friends were married and mAny of them had kids. I Had an active dating life and kept my friends well entertained With funny, craZY, and sometimes scurry stories fRom the field. And i was just like You – i knew immediately WHETHER or not i liked someone. I DEFINITEly had a “type.” When i met my Now husBand (At the age Of 28) not only was he not my tyPe but i had met him a year earlier and determineD at that tIme that he wasnt the one for me. My advice To you would be to hang in there. FoLlow your instincts but keep an open mind. You might have alreAdy met Your husband and dont even know it. 🙂

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