Sally is at the beach for the third time this summer. This makes me insanely jealous because I have not been to a beach since my Junior year of college – a most memorable Spring Break trip that was three years ago. I complain about this to anyone that will listen. I just want to be at a beach! But here’s the thing – I am terrified of the ocean to the point that I won’t let the water go past the mid-point of my shins. So terrified that I once had a panic attack while snorkling, have gotten heart palpitations while watching movies with water scenes, and yes I am freaked out by the deep end of swimming pools. And I get scared when I’m in lakes. I’m a good enough swimmer so it’s not the fear of drowning that makes me anti-ocean – it’s the vast scale and depth of the big blue and all the sea life living in it that makes me scared beyond belief. Titanic didn’t help the situation, either.
Do you want to know how much grief I get for having this particular fear? A ridiculous amount. I wikipediaed “phobia” to prove that my fear was completely justified… “A phobia is a type of anxiety disorder, usually defined as a persistent fear of an object or situation in which the sufferer commits to great lengths in avoiding, typically disproportional to the actual danger posed, often being recognized as irrational.” This type of fear is categorized as a ‘specific phobia.’ Sounds about right to me. If clinical psychology can let me live my life in fear of the ocean than why can’t other people? It is so annoying to have people constantly telling you, “There is NO reason to be affraid… Face your fears… Don’t let this limit your life experiences… etc.” Hi, I told you about the heart palpitations but I guess I forgot to mention the nightmares about sharks. Now will you leave me alone?
It just gets me to thinking, we all have irrational fears of some sort. Sally is terrified of getting sick – she’s not a hypocondriac by any means – but her greatest fear is one day having a terrible disease or illness. I have friends that hate clowns, needles, airplanes, escalators (true) – the list goes on. Is it just part of our human nature to try and push people to face their fears? Or to try and justify that their fear is more rational than our own? On some level it’s like we can’t help the comparision and judgement – I legitimately do not understand how someone can have a true fear of clowns. Really, this boggles my mind. But that’s the same kind of thinking people have about me and my phobia…
I was talking with some co-workers last week and one of them said, “I know I’m an intense person, it took me a long time to figure that out about myself and to embrace it… And I knew that I needed to be with someone that liked that intensity and didn’t want to change it but could push back when I needed it.” She wasn’t talking about phobias or fears but she was talking about a sense of acceptance that is sometimes necessary when it comes to relationships and friendships. It’s normal to compare ourselves to others and to notice differences – I’m constantly noticing things about Sally and I that are different – but the “older” I get (or the more mature I become) I’m realizing that we are who we are and “different than me” does not equal bad or wrong.
So yes, I want to be at the beach right now and enjoy the sound of the ocean and the view of the horizon. Just don’t try and convience me that I need to get in said ocean to fully apprecaite it, mmmk?
(Image via Andy Heart)
I love your co-worker's quote – so true! I think it comes down to not only a sense of self-acceptance, but also acceptance in general. Like, your friends realizes that she's intense but can also (it seems like) realize and respect when somebody pushes back against her. I feel like the more we can embrace who we really are and stop trying to change it, the more we do the exact same to others … happier relationships all around.
I have an intense fear of windows open at night. Like, the blinds – because people can just watch you like a movie screen! But I'm talking, I'll avoid the slightest crack of exposed window … I won't even walk past it.
I love all about this post! I LOVE the ocean but I'm afraid of spiders, for example. People make fun of me all the time!
Also, the comment from your co-worker is awesome. I am intense myself and have a weird sense of humor. The man on my side should be happy about that and able to understand my weirdness and should in the best case should find the same things funny. I couldn't be with someone who doesn't understand what I mean.
Yet I needed to accept that I am this way, that I might find things funny which other people don't, and that I curse way too much, and that I don't want to hide that or restrict myself and not laugh only because the guy might not get it.
I feel this way about spiders. I know it's not all that uncommon but my fear is completely irrational. If I spot one in my bedroom and nobody is around to kill it, i'll sleep on the couch. One time, Justin was away for the weekend, and I caught a spider under a glass. The glass sat on top of the spider for four days, sitting on the ground in the middle of our living room, until Justin came home to kill it. I felt like a terrible person for torturing the poor thing (he started getting a little loopy by the fourth day), but I couldn't COULDN'T kill him myself and there was NO way I was about to let him roam free. Not unless I wanted to vacate the apartment until Justin returned. All this rambling is to say, I hear you! You wade up to your shins and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
I feel this way about spiders. I know it's not all that uncommon but my fear is completely irrational. If I spot one in my bedroom and nobody is around to kill it, i'll sleep on the couch. One time, Justin was away for the weekend, and I caught a spider under a glass. The glass sat on top of the spider for four days, sitting on the ground in the middle of our living room, until Justin came home to kill it. I felt like a terrible person for torturing the poor thing (he started getting a little loopy by the fourth day), but I couldn't COULDN'T kill him myself and there was NO way I was about to let him roam free. Not unless I wanted to vacate the apartment until Justin returned. All this rambling is to say, I hear you! You wade up to your shins and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
I feel this way about spiders. I know it's not all that uncommon but my fear is completely irrational. If I spot one in my bedroom and nobody is around to kill it, i'll sleep on the couch. One time, Justin was away for the weekend, and I caught a spider under a glass. The glass sat on top of the spider for four days, sitting on the ground in the middle of our living room, until Justin came home to kill it. I felt like a terrible person for torturing the poor thing (he started getting a little loopy by the fourth day), but I couldn't COULDN'T kill him myself and there was NO way I was about to let him roam free. Not unless I wanted to vacate the apartment until Justin returned. All this rambling is to say, I hear you! You wade up to your shins and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
I'm right there with you (even the part about the deep end of the pool!) I still looove the beach and am at my happiest with my beach chair sitting right at the edge of the water but I literally CANNOT get in! I used to try to get over it and force myself in, but it's just not worth the stress and anxiety. Accepting everyone's quirks is a good thing
I have the same fear of the water. I live in Florida 5 minutes from the beach, so it's not exactly easy to work around (I've gotten teased for years about it too). I also am a perfectly capable swimmer- I just don't like not knowing what's under the surface. Luckily, my boyfriend is very adventurous, so he helps me conquer my fears by taking baby steps. For example, last weekend he took me out in his kayak in the intracoastal, but we stayed very close to the shore away from deep water and the large boats. I ended up having a great time and only freaked out once (saw a stingray lol). Everyone has their fears and quirks- it's what makes us all unique. Nothing wrong with that.
I, too, have a crazy irrational fear of the ocean. I think it may have stemmed from playing sharks and minnows in the IHCC deep end with our swim team – I was so little, how was I supposed to know that there weren't actually sharks down there? years later, the fear has yet to subside. I have yet to go further than knee-deep in the ocean – and I probably will never will : )
My sister shares this fear as well, which is funny because I'm practically a fish. Growing up I'd drag my sister out into the ocean but she won't go in once the water reaches her knees. But I completely understand phobias, I'm extremely claustrophobic, I've legitimately passed out in a church because it was so crowded, talk about embarrassment?! I am just terrified of being enclosed!!!!
I'm in total agreement about the pool – I need to pass a swim test to graduate and here I am, about to start senior year, and I still can't jump in the deep end!
I've taken a few classes on phobias for my degree, and the most successful way to defeat them is controlled exposure to the fear-causing stimulus. But I think if you can live your life and be happy without overcoming it, you shouldn't have to take grief for it! My favorite part of the ocean is sitting in the sand and admiring the view, too – and that doesn't require any ocean wading
You're not alone in your fear of the ocean! I'm actually terrified of going in the ocean, not because of the water, but I'm convinced I'm going to get attacked by a shark…. Weird I know! I blame my dad for letting me watch Jaws when I was little.
I can't go any further into the ocean then knee deep, I just can't bring myself to actually go in. And now that its Shark Week on the Discovery channel it's freaks me out even more, but I cant seem to turn it off.
Everyone's scared of something!