As productive as this weekend was for me, I was constantly thinking about about the horrific events of last Friday that happened in Connecticut. To mirror what Sally wrote this morning, I cannot even being to comprehend what the families of the innocent victims are feeling… The sadness, worry, confusion, anger, and grief that I’ve been experiencing from a removed distance is nothing compared to what those closely connected to the tragic event are going through. As more information is released and we learn more about the sweet children and their heroic teachers, my heart gets heavier and I can’t help but well up in tears. I don’t how anyone could read something like this or look at this and not lose it – “details of their lives” that were so tragically taken and in such a hideous way. It is not fair – there is no other way to look at it.
I was *this* close to not going home for Christmas this year. I love my family so much – but sometimes the mix of travel, bouncing from home to home, splitting time, and being one of many children makes the holidays more about chaos control and less about togetherness than I would like. I thought I wanted a low-key Christmas, maybe one in a city I had never been to a lovely family that was much “quieter” than my own.
But on Friday I knew that home was where I wanted and needed to be… I would have driven the eight hours home that day if I could have – just to hug my siblings (four in elementary school, one in college, one that lives in Connecticut, and Sally, too) – hold my parents and loved ones – and tell them how much I love and cherish all of them.
I am beyond upset and scared over what happened at Sandy Hook Elementary. It’s doesn’t seem like enough to just pray over and over for the angels taken and the families grieving, to think of all parents who have to try and explain to their own children what happened, and to feel deep heart break for any children that might have to worry about going to school – a place that should feel safe and secure. I don’t understand it – any of it. But if anything, the event helped me realize that my family means more to me than anything in this world. Shouldn’t I have known that all along? Yes, of course I should. And trust me, the guilt I feel for taking their love and presence for granted is not lost on me… But Christmas is coming, and this year I will relish in the chaos, the traditions, the extended family, and the gift of one another and not the wrapped presents under the tree. Because as sappy as it sounds, it’s not about what we give and get, but what we already have – and I am lucky to have them.
(Image via Sofis Snapshots)