Coming from such a crazy, large family, I’ve had this secret notion that eloping would be the most romantical way to simplify my some-day wedding. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good wedding and think they are wonderful, but the selfish part of me wants my wedding to be all about me and the guy I’m promising to spend my life with – I worry that all the “other” parts of planning the event will get in the way of the bigger picture.
But – of course there’s a but – this past weekend Sally and I were guest at the wedding of our our sweet friend Mary and there were so many aspects of it that made me re-think my eloping dream. First of all, there is something really magical about being a part of someone’s wedding day. I always get emotional listening to couples say their vows, and maybe it’s because I love Mary so much or consider her such a close friend that listening to her and her now husband’s vows really hit me on Saturday. These two crazy kids really love each other! Not that I ever doubted that (at all) but wedding ceremonies, no matter how intimate or large, really do shine such light on what entering into a marriage is all about. It’s such a special promise to see two friends make. Annddd I get teary eyed even thinking about it now. I also think I might be the only person who thinks that first dances are completely adorable and not cheesy.
Aside from the honor of being selected by the bride and groom to celebrate their special day with them, my second favorite part of weddings is seeing the love their families have for them. Mary’s dad made a darling speech before the reception kicked off and you could tell how happy he is that Mary found her match – there was love and happiness just radiating from him and the rest of the family members. I get so mushy over that kind of visible love. When a sister tears up watching her brother (who is also the groom) dance with their mom… When the mother of the bride can’t stop smiling… When the parents of the bride and groom watch their kids run through a tunnel of sparklers and leave the reception just the two of them… I blame Father of the Bride for making me so sentimental during weddings.
The amount of time, thought, energy, and well, money, that goes into planning a wedding was really where I thought eloping would so nice… No reception to plan, no guest list to worry about. But a wedding reception is the best kind of party – all the guest are your close family and friends who care about you and want to toast to your love. It’s really a celebration of the couple and I love seeing how the event reflects their personal style. Besides, when else in live do you get to have such a big party with all your favorite people in one place to mark a personal milestone?
Basically, Mary’s wedding has pushed all thoughts of a quite some-day elopement far from my mind. A wedding is a far off thing for me personally but I’m realllly enjoying being the guest at the weddings of so many friends!
This post was supposed to publish at 7:00am Eastern time… Whoops! How was everyone’s Cinco de Mayo? Sal and I went down to Houston the celebrate (olé!) and had another fantastic weekend with the McCarthy family. I really enjoyed showing off my new cut and can’t thank you guys enough for sending me such positive thoughts and vibes about taking the plunge last Friday. I love it – sharing more about that tomorrow… Back to our time in Houston; we talked a lot about the vibe of the city and how all the cities in Texas kind of have all these stereotypes about them that are either so spot on or completely off the mark. It’s a perception vs. reality combined with city pride and city spite. Texas is funny – it’s a verrrry prideful state, but the major cities (Dallas, Houston, Fort Worth, Austin) kind of are pitted against one another – or at least that’s what it’s always felt like to Sally and I who aren’t natives of the state.
I was such a naive little chicken when I first moved here almost three years ago that I just soaked up what my co-workers told me about Houston being a (and I quote) ghetto, humid, crowded city. In truth, the place sounded horrifying in the way it was described to me. I pictured people sweating at all times in a misty concrete jungle. I had visited Houston four times – all short trips that involved seeing minimal parts of the city – before going down last month and really getting a good look at it. And it’s great! It’s charming, and has beautiful neighborhoods and homes, good schools (so I hear), amazing restaurants and shops, and is really lush a green. In my opinion, it’s kind of a hybrid of Dallas and Austin: it has the occupied and thriving downtown and greenery of Austin with the sprawling and easily accessible feeling of Dallas. And if you ask anyone that grew up there or currently lives there, ghetto is the last way to describe it.
Kind of sad that such a great city gets such a bad rap from its neighbors. But it’s the same with with Dallas vs. Fort Worth – a battle of which is better and why. Austin is really the one place everyone in Texas is obsessed with but it’s not an easy place to find a job unless you work in tech or real estate. Maybe it’s just a loyalty thing… People feel so attached to their home city that any other place is subpar. Or maybe they just haven’t experienced the other places on a real level. We had Bailey and Pete taking us through darling neighborhoods, to great stores and restaurants, playing in quaint parks, and doing what the locals do… We got to experience the city through their local eyes and I think it made us feel like Houston was even more enchanting.
In any event, I have my mind set on living in Houston some day and I think that if you ever get the opportunity to visit you should. Prepare yourself for a recap of our Cinco de Mayo festivities later in the week… And tell me if you live in a city with unfair stereotypes or if you’ve ever visited a city and expected the worst and been pleasantly surprised. I’m a nerd and find this stuff fascinating.
Guys, I didn’t end up renting that questionable ivory dress that I asked about last Friday… You guys really made it known that it would be a no-no. I was kind of cracking up over all the honest feedback – y’all are my homegirls for being so straightforward with me. I decided that if I was going to spend $100+ renting a dress that maybe I should hunt around and see if there was anything at a similar price that I could buy and wear again. I found this number and determined that the color, shape, and fabric was so me and that I would wear it for the upcoming wedding and for other events in the future. I know it’s simple (again, so me) but I think I can totally glam it up for black tie with incredible jewelry and accessories. You like?
The whole “don’t upstage the bride by wearing white” got me thinking about other wedding guest “rules” that are just as legitimate. Things you should know even though they’re not really written anywhere. Most of these are things I’ve learned myself or that I’ve read and thought, “hmm that is so true.” Since I’m lucky enough to be going to a few weddings this summer, I thought I’d share my thoughts on what I think it means to be a dreamy wedding guest. Rule no. 01. Dress appropriately. Don’t wear white, ivory or any shade even close to bridal (re: above) and please try not to wear anything too short or too low. We’ve all been at those weddings where there’s that one girl who everyone is talking about and saying “ohmygosh what is she thinking?” Dress in something that makes you comfortable and but doesn’t make other guest uncomfortable. Also wear something that fits the level of casualness or dressiness of the wedding. If the invite says black tie, don’t wear a sundress. If it’s an outdoor ceremony, probably don’t wear a fancy floor-length number that’s covered in sequins. If you’re completely lost on how dressy or not dressy you need to be just ask the bride – I highly doubt she will mind giving you an idea of what to wear.
Rule no. 02. Don’t be late to the ceremony. Seems obvious but leave yourself an ample amount of time to prepare for someone else’s wedding. Nothing looks worse than being the last ones to arrive for the ceremony or god forbid, being the ones to walk in late (after the bride). If you know that you’ll be stressing out over your hair – make an appointment at a blow-dry bar and own it. Worried about how your shoes will look with your dress? Figure that junk before the day of the wedding. Even when you’re not part of the wedding party, many of us still get stressed out as wedding guests because we all want to look great. Planning all your own details ahead of time will keep you on time.
Rule no. o3. Eat the food. Those people paid a lot of money for you to eat so go through the buffet line or eat and enjoy your meal – try everything and if you see the bride or groom later in the night be sure to compliment them on how delicious everything is. Whenever I watch Four Weddings (Bride night on TLC? Anyone else?) I always cringe when they criticize the food… I just want to shake them and say, “Ahh – just go with it! Sure the steak might be hard to cut but it’s steak for crying out loud!” If you’re not that into what’s served maybe just keep it to yourself.
Rule no. 04. Dance your face off. The weddings where no one is dancing make me so sad – you don’t have to do the YMCA but sitting out during Shout! or Brown Eyed girl… I just don’t get it. The entertainment is for the guest so show off your awkward dance moves and make friends with other party people while you sing along to Night Moves.
Rule no. 05. Don’t get too drunk. I advise this from past experience… While an open bar is very tempting, try to keep things in check because no matter how great those free vodka sprites taste, people will probably notice when you’ve been over served and it’s not cute to be the slobkabob with spills down your dress and half-mast eyes. I’m just saying… Been there and it’s not a good look. Or a good feeling next day when you feel a combination of shame and guilt along with your hangover. My go to is champagne because it looks classy (not kidding, I think about these things) and you’re having a darn good time after just a few glasses. Sip on water when you can. Or excuse yourself if you realize, “OMG I think I’m wasted.”
Rule no. 06. Sign the guest book or partake in the cute reception + guest thing. You know what I’m talking about – those sweet “leave the bride + groom a message; what’s your marriage advice; etc” that are always at a reception or part of the cocktail hour? Do it. Maybe do two – one that’s funny and one that’s sweet. Because the bride and groom want to read that stuff when they get back from their honeymoon and how sad would you feel if only a quarter of the guest left you well wishes?
Rule no. 07. Stay till the end. Because nothing looks worse than when the party has cleared out by half and there’s still hours of dancing to go. Because that sweet bride probably paid a lot to have the reception space open past ten. Because these people just invited you to a monuments celebratory event in their lives when they had a tight guest list and seriously, do you have somewhere better to be? And because you never know what might be in store as the night winds down… Things get real. Real fun.
Rule no. 08. Don’t bring your gift to the reception, mail it to the bride or bride’s parents before the wedding. It’s just what you do… And even if you think it’s boring to go off the registry when buying a gift, do it. They make those registries for a reason and even if you know that they’ll love this totally random thing that you like but they don’t have on their list – refrain. They want the stuff they asked for and will probably want to return anything they didn’t… When in doubt do what the Italians do and give then an envelope full of cash.
So that’s my take on how to be a great wedding guest. I’ve never been a bride (and am nowhere close to being one anytime soon) and I haven’t been to a ton of weddings, but I think these rules make sense and they make for a happy and normal guest. Cheers to wedding season!
